Slug Life

I do solemnly swear..

Hi, I’m Patch, Sindy’s little sister.
I’m here to tell you a few things, you won’t find in this blog, and some you will.

I’m a brownie guide, so I’m absolutely trustworthy.
Ok, so my weird, “everyone look to the right” sidelong glances are a little creepy, but nobody’s perfect.

Writey’s list of Wrongs

1. I promise I will never entice you to cook. There will be no recipes. No 15min prep time, truffle oiled, triple chocolate, food porn on my blog. I don’t take photos of my food, because I already inhaled it and licked the plate clean. If a photo of my freshly baked banana bread is posted here, please alert the police because I have been murdered and an imposter is baking in my kitchen (probably wearing my skin as an apron.)

2. You will receive no fashion, exercise, or beauty advice. My absence of style can at best can be described as Industrial boho, at worst industrious hobo. New people I meet, give me the name of their hair stylist within 30 minutes. Hair stylists I meet pick up my hair and look sad.

3. I have no life hacks, get rich schemes, or fool proof ways to perfect happiness, or anything else with hack, scheme, or fool in the title.

4. If you are attached to cleaning and order, please put your fingers in your ears, look away and go “la la la.” Flylady and Minimalist Momma I ain’t. My Life is messy.

5. I can pledge, no posts about perfect children /pets/car/husband/life/home because these things are currently out of stock in the basket of my life, any parenting or life opinions issued here come with a disclaimer that the wiring may be faulty and explode in your face.

Merit Badges

1. This blog would like to award you the ‘doing good enough’ badge. It would love to be the ‘cakewreck’ next to your homemade Pinterest pavlova. It wants to reassure you that, not only should you embrace your failures, they should get a full on ‘pash’ with tongues. Failures are growth. Assert your right to feel good about whoever you are, right now.

2. Also up for grabs is the ‘Creative Genius Trophy’. This blog and its author will absolutely, shamelessly, and with no thought for it’s own personal safety, advocate for your right to enjoy yourself through creativity. Any way you damn well choose without judgement. You can present this trophy to yourself, whenever you bloomin well please.

3. The ‘Showing up award” will go to anyone willing to read, share, or tell any of the personal stories on here about peoples own creative journeys. I also promise to egg on and coerce as many individuals as possible to share their insight and discoveries with you, in the hope it might help you find your own creative mojo.

4. The ‘Heath Robinson badge’ is my own chaotic attempt to share practical, useful information and inspiration, that work for me as a writer, in the hopes it adds sparks to your own tinderbox of ideas, with the caveat, If I ever use the word ‘craft’ in a condescending manner, you have permission to slap me.

5. I solemnly swear, without apology, to share my writing and strive to make you laugh, cry, feel, connect, think, vomit,- ok, maybe not that one- in any way I can to enhance your human experience because, I can’t cook and it’s the only thing I have to give, so why not.

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